Per language:
How to decide if an ORM is decent? Just try to replicate every SQL query from nodejs/sequelize/raw/many_to_many.js on PostgreSQL and SQLite.
There is only a very finite number of possible reasonable queries on a two table many to many relationship with a join table. A decent ORM has to be able to do them all.
If it can do all those queries, then the ORM can actually do a good subset of SQL and is decent. If not, it can't, and this will make you suffer. E.g. Sequelize v5 is such an ORM that makes you suffer.
The next thing to check are transactions.
Basically, all of those come up if you try to implement a blog hello world world such as gothinkster/realworld correctly, i.e. without unnecessary inefficiencies due to your ORM on top of underlying SQL, and dealing with concurrency.